I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
