dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
