When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How external is "for external use only"?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
