it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
