my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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