the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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