actually, I'm a sock model
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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