I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
