yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
