nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
