He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
