ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
