Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Girls should come with a carfax report
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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