I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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