I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
