I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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