My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
