I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
