areolas are like halos for boobs.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
