I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
