Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We had to coat check the pizza.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
