i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm like, not good at living.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
