These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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