Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
