Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
