piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
