Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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