DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
