there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
