why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just found puke in my bra..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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