I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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