So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
