Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
