We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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