I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
