I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
a search helicopter?!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
