i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize