Tell her she can't have a vagina
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
