I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
