I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
