Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i've created a new STD.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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