She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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