That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
