I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
