I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
