Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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