You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
