Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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