all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
