It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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