So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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