I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize