She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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