You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
