im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
