got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
