Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
