i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
