Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
