I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
