if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
