You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize