mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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