So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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