It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
