some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I love having hate sex.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
