I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My bed smells like the plague
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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