okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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